I observed a four year old boy and his mother at a
coffee shop. The mother was talking on
the phone, while the child sat very quietly beside her. The child did not have a drink or snack in
front of him or a toy to play with. This
went on for twenty minutes. After twenty
minutes, the child asked, very politely for a drink. The mother told him to, “Hang on”. The child waited another five minutes before
beginning to yell that he needed a drink.
The mother responded to the yelling, hung up on her phone call and got
the child a drink. She scolded her child
for yelling in the coffee shop, but reinforced the yelling by getting him what
he wanted.
What I learned from this experience is that the
mother could have been more engaged with her child. Sitting for 25 minutes, being virtually ignored
is extremely hard for a four year old. Expecting that child to behave is nearly
impossible. From that experience, the
child learned that if he is not getting attention from the first attempt at
communication, all he needs to do is to yell to get attention and his wants and
needs met.
I learned from this experience of watching a mother
and child that you need to be fully present when you are with a child. You need to engage them, and to communicate with
them, not just scold them once they become loud.
