Start Seeing Diversity Blog: "We Don't Say Those Words in Class!"

It is hard to imagine anyone who does not have a story of a child asking an inappropriate question at an inappropriate time.  Being in public leaves you exposed to many unusual situations.  Being the mother of a child with Autism, I find myself in this situation on a regular basis. 

The most mortifying situation happened in a grocery store.  I was was shopping with all three of my children when we happened into an empty isle.  We were at on end of the isle, and an elderly woman was at the other end.  The elderly woman was riding in a shopping scooter, so my son, in his loudest voice said, "Clear the way, Old Lady coming through!"  At this point I was hoping the ground would swallow me up, but no such luck!  The woman rolled up to me and told me to wash my son's mouth out with soap. 

I handled the situation like I handle all of the situation my son and I find ourselves in.  We discuss how yelling out someones physical features to describe them is not appropriate.  While my son felt he was being helpful, we discussed that since the woman did not ask for help, it was ok not try and clear the isle. 

Saying Goodbye

Adjourning is one of the most important phases in team development.  The hardest times that to adjourn from a team is when the team is working very well together.  High-performance groups are very hard to leave; groups that also have the clearest established norms are also difficult to leave.  Those are the groups that work well together and show results. 

The groups that I had a very hard time leaving are groups that I get along with personally and professionally.  Getting closure can help a team move on to work on other teams.  For these reasons, it is essential to adjourn from groups at the end of a project.

Non-Violent Communication

I have had a recent situation in which I had to explain to a parent that their child had many of the red flags of autism.  I employed all of the 3 R's for the discussion.  Being in the moment, being respectful, and being responsive are so critical in conversations such as these.  It is a painful moment for parents to be told that their child may have a condition that they were not expecting.  Communicating my message with compassion, sensitivity, as well as the 3 R's helped get me through even the toughest situations.

Communication Scales

I gave the communication quizzes to two people who know me in different aspects of my life.  I gave my husband, John, the quizzes, and I gave my colleague Christina the quizzes as well.  John is the person who knows me the best, and Christina knows me only from work.  I was nervous and excited to read what they thought of my communication style. 

            Their scores were similar to mine except for two areas.  The first area that differed from my results came from my husband was in the Verbal Aggressiveness Scale.  He thought that perhaps I am more verbally aggressive than I give myself credit for.  John thinks I can become verbally aggressive and insult a person’s character, ideas, and moral position (Rubin, Rubin, Graham, Perse, & Seibold, 2009).  Although I mainly am verbally aggressive with my husband in this manner in jest, I can see his point and will try my best not to insult his intelligence when we are having a verbal debate; but I am not promising anything. 

            Christina, who only knows me in a more formal setting, differed from my score in the Communication Anxiety Inventory.  Christina’s score me in the low anxiety range which states, “You reported that you feel comfortable communicating in most situations and feel confident in anticipating such encounters (Rubin, Rubin, Graham, Perse, & Seibold, 2009)”.  Christina has only ever seen me address small groups, and in small groups I am a confident communicator.  What Christina does not know is that when it is necessary for me to speak in public, I begin to have the symptoms of a panic attack.  My pulse races, my breathing increases, my heart palpitates, and there is a pit in my stomach.  It feels bizarre that Christina only knows one side of my communication style.  On the other hand; my husband mainly knows the more casual side of my communication style. 

Cultural Communication

I recently had a new student placed in my classroom.  His family is from India, but he was born in the United States.  His family speaks two different languages at home; English and Kannada.  The little boy who was placed in my class uses mainly scripted language from Dora the Explorer.  Thankfully, his parents have a great sense of humor about having a tri-lingual child, who mainly speaks Spanish. 

With this little boy, I find myself communicating more deliberately and with more specific intent.  I use more pictures and objects to explain my message.  He also uses a picture schedule to help him get used to the classroom routine. 

Although I try to stay away from the cliched ways of communicating with this little boy such as talking louder or repeating myself several times, I have caught myself doing that to try and communicate with him. 

I have found that it has not been too difficult for he and I to be able to communicate on some level.  It is a superficial relationship for now, he mainly comes to me for his wants and needs, but hopefully with all the supports we have in place, more meaningful communication can occur soon.

Nonverbal Communication

I watched a new episode of How I Met Your Mother with the volume turned down.  I have been a long time fan of the show, so it was fairly easy to figure out the premise.  There was alot of movement and physical comedy in the episode.  Which helped with the nonverbal communication part of this assignment.  I guessed the episode was about one of the main characters trying to deal with his roommate moving out. 

When I watched the show back with the volume turned up, I was pretty accurate with my assessment.  This was a very interesting assignment.  It is a fun way to test how accurately you can predict a situation with just using your eyes and not your ears.  This skill can be very useful for a teacher who students are nonverbal!

Effective Communication

The person who I would like to emulate in the ways she communicates is my sister.  She is the treasury manager for an alternative energy company.  She handles hundreds of millions of dollars every day, effective communication is not just a requirement, it is crucial. 

The behaviors my sister exhibits that make her effective is the clear and precise manner in which she conveys her message.  She is no nonsense, and she is very decisive.  My sister is the person you want when you need to get things done!

I get very nervous when I have to confront parents or colleagues.  I will fret about what I will say for a long time making myself more and more nervous.  Once I finally talk with the person it usually is never as bad as I have made it in my head.  I need to model my communication style after my sister.  I would really like to be a more effective communicator.